Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
