hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
