last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
