I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
