you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
