just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
