I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think a kid would responsible me up
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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