I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
