Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
