I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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