I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
