I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
