living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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