I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
