You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
