Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
