Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She bit a glass in half.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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