Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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