It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
