The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
