so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
