I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
