we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
