Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
