i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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