i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
