My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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