Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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