well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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