you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
