I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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