I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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