Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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