Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
