Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
