I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
