I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
