A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
