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• (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take

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• (530): View more from California

  It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.

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