its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
