that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
