Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
