Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize