I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
