You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
