The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
