You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
