I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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