Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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