there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
