she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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