i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You may now shotgun with the bride
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
