You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's always time for handjobs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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