Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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