can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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