I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
