did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
