Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize