I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Two words: nipple clamps
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