I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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