Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
