I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
