think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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