I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
