I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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