I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
