I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
