I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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