Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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