he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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