I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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