It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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