I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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