He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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