Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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